(Newbie) Solo-ist

hi again. Kali ini gue posting dari kota yang berbeda dari tempat tinggal gue, dari tempat gue biasanya post things. Yep, hari ini I moved in to my new dorm. Yep, gue kuliah di kota berbeda. Yep, kota itu Solo.

Setelah perjuangan panjang pencarian tempat kuliah, akhirnya gue ditakdirkan masuk ke kampus kakak gue dulu, UNS. Beda jurusan sih, but still. That's why gue tinggal di dorm, jauh dari orangtua, sendirian. Not really, di dorm yang gue tempatin sekarang, gue barengan sama temen dan kakak kelas gue waktu SMA, so I'm not alone after all.

Hari ini, gue naik prameks (prambaranan ekspress), kereta yang menghubungkan kota Yogyakarta dan Solo, untuk pertama kalinya..dan sendirian. Pagi-pagi gue bangun, siap-siap dan dianter bapak ke Stasiun Tugu. Beli tiket seharga 6000 dan gue ditinggal pulang. I'm all alone, nunggu  selama satu jam setengah, kaya orang ilang. Gue nggak tau apa yang harus dilakukan, gue bahkan gatau gue harus nunggu dimana. Gue cuman duduk lesehan di depan konter tiket kereta sambil baca novel. Absolute homeless-alike.

Begitu Mas Danang telpon, gue baru ngeh bahwa harusnya gue nunggu di peron. Maka jalanlah gue menuju konter pemerikasaan tiket, salah masuk, terus pergi ke koonter pemerikasaan tiket yang bener. Masuk Peron. Duduk dan baca novel lagi kaya sebelumnya.

Setelah nunggu for good 30 minutes, akhirnya kereta dateng. Gue tetep nggak tahu kudu gimana. Ngikutin arus, gue cuman asal-asal naik kereta aja dan untungnya, begitu nyampe di Stasiun Maguwoharjo, gue dapet tempat duduk di kereta. Gue kembali duduk sambil baca novel. Menikmati setiap keributan yang terjadi saat kereta berhenti di stasiun-stasiun lain. Kereta ini berangkat jam 10.30 jadi harusnya nyampe Solo jam 11.40.

Begitu jam menunjukkan pukul 11.30, kereta berhenti di sebuah stasiun. Rombongan pun berbondong-bondong turun. Gue ikutan berdiri dan bersiap turun, melihat jam dan agak kaget "Kok lebih cepet 10 menit? Emang bisa?" Karena nggak yakin, gue memberanikan diri tanya ke mas-mas samping gue, "Mas, ini Solo Balapan bukan ya?" "Bukan. Itu liat aja rutenya." Dan gue pun liat rute. Bego. Kenapa ga liat dari awal? Untungnya gue nggak nyasar. Gue pun kembali pegangan, kali ini tempat duduk penuh, dan nunggu sampe Solo Balapan.

Kereta menurunkan kelajuannya, I'm getting anxious. I make it! Naik prameks pertama kali dan gue selamat! Gue pun turun dengan giddy nya, sempet teriak 'shit' dengan sedikit terlalu keras hingga mungkin mas-mas di belakang gue denger karena pas turun nggak ada tangga atau apapun. Gue loncat dari kereta.

Abis itu, gue cari ojek buat jalan ke kos, tapi berhubung gue masih newbie dan bego dan masih gampang dibodohi, pas ditawarin taksi, gue langsung terima. Nggak pake argo. Bego banget. Akhirnya kena 35k buat jalan dari stasiun ke kost yang mungkin cuman beberapa kilo.

Well, I am a new Solo-ist. Baru ngekos selama sehari. Baru naik prameks sekali. Dan nggak sabar buat petualangan gila yang asik.

Incertitude

It's just me or it is just really hard to know what you exactly want?

There are lots of things that need intricate mechanism, uneasy-annoying systems. But as human, whether we hate it or love it, we have to go through those systems to be in the society.

In our society, there is an education system stated that at the very young age--mostly around high school, 16-18--we have to decide what we are going to be in the next 5, 10 years. A professor?  Teacher? Doctor? Celebrity? Detective? Police Officer? Cashier? Waitress? Nothing? You have to figure it out, soon, because the it's time and you don't have forever.

Of course, the system want us to choose what we want to be as soon as possible so we can extend our carrier as wide as possible. So we settle soon enough. But nothing is perfect, so does the system. It of course has its flaws.

We are young. We are careless. We want to be free. Doing things that we like, making mistakes, trying another things and another mistakes. We are not yet figure out who we are, now you ask us to to figure out how I'd like to settle? How am I suppose to know? I can't just go by trial-and-error on my lifetime settlement right? It has to be right, it has to be perfect.

At this time, I thought a lot, that most of young generations are confused. We want to be a good person -make our parents proud, get decent school, someday settle to a good life- but at the same time we want to do what we are doing, what we likes. Just experimenting. So when you ask what one job we want to be, when the question 'what do you want to be?' 'which school you want to get into?' it's pretty hard to answer. It feels like, if I we answered it with one job all this things we've done is just a delusion. Like it doesn't matter at all, all the things we've put or struggle on, means nothing. Because as soon as we answer this question, we hate to take a deep breath, take a step back, and run even sprint for that job. We have competitors, we can't loose our ambition and motivation, and all. It's sometimes, just too much to even think of.

Sometimes I feel like I want to answer that one simple question. But then I look at my surrounding, I look through my memories and my past. My childhood dreams and my dreams now as teenager. I don't want to just stuck at one job forever. I want to be in lots of profession, but that's surely impossible. So I have to choose. The choosing is the hardest part.  Which job you could possibly pursue and which one you couldn't. Which job would make your family proud and which one wouldn't. Which job would make you settle and which job wouldn't. But the most important thing is.. which job would make you happy the most? Even doing it everyday for the rest of your life would not be a matter at all. You have to be careful to choose.

You never know whether you choose it out of passion or just because you don't want to leave your comfort zone.

Pinkie Promise

Thankyou, G for being wise and mature. For being supportive and unbelieveable. For being my dude and my friend. Thank you.

Blessings

"Count more on your blessings rather than your burdens"

Every single second we spent in our life, waking up every morning knowing that you still have a day to be lived even though the rest of your life has been nothing but hell, is such a blessing. 

Knowing that God still given this day ahead of you, knowing that you are surrounded by people you loved, knowing that you are still free to be whoever you want to be is the greatest thing ever. So cherish it! 

You never know when will God take them away. You never know when will God take people you love, your parents, your sisters or brothers, your boyfriend or girlfriend. You just never know. 

You never know either when will God take you away. Or the freedom you have.

You may not realized yet, that even though your life feels like hell, you still have freedom and that you still capable of being whoever you want if you strong enough to believe and live it. Because you are blessed.

If you read this right now, it means you still have internet connection to access this. Showing that your parents clearly not in a poor condition or that they're some sort of masochist who like to martyr you or worse, taking away your freedoms.

You may never imagine it but there are people out there who has no freedom upon several condition. Either people take way their freedom or situation make them lost their freedom. 

People in war arena, people in poverty, people in several other situation I can't imagined of. 

So, I know post is shitty, but I just want you to know that you  are given this life because you are strong enough to live it. And that you're young and you still have freedom to be whoever you want to be. just breath, believe and live it. You are capable of being everything you want to be if you set your heart to it. Believe me, you are blessed.

Secuil Cerita SBMPTN

WOYOOO APAKABAR SEMUANYA?! Alhamdulillah, otakku nggak konslet-konslet amat abis ngerjain soal SBMPTN.. Anyway mohon doanya ya my fellow readers (kaya punya readers aja sih), semoga saya bisa diterima di PTN dan Jurusan yang telah dipilih :")

Anyway, seperti biasanya..hari ini aku mau curhat..lagi..soal SBMPTN..

Jadi kan setelah perjuangan menahan hasrat buat nyelo selama sebulanan buat belajar, akhirnya SBM pun dilaksanakan hari ini. As expected, soalnya unpredictable dan cukup bikin mumet sampe keluar dari ruang ujian aja mules dan mual gabung jadi satu.

But bukan soal gimana kampretnya soal SBMPTN, tapi tentang teknisnya yang mau aku bahas disini. Tentang secuil kekecewaanku terhadap pengawas ujian yang mengawasi aku tadi (..dan beberapa cerita absurdku juga sih).

Jadi kan tadi aku tes di salah satu PTN ternama di kotaku, dan dalam 1 ruangan ada sekitar 4-5 pengawas. Awalnya semua berjalan lancar dan pengawas bekerja secara profesional, mulai dari membacakan peraturan sampai pengisian LJK, tanda tangan, pemeriksaan identitas, dan lain sebagainya. Sampai waktu ujian dimulai pun semuanya masih lancar dan tenang, tak ada sekelabat suara pun yang terdengar kecuali pikiran-pikiran pejuang SBM yang lagi menguras otak (lah kaya kedengeran aja).. hingga sampai di suatu titik dimana pengawas mulai lelah mengawasi kami, jadi mereka malah ngobrol sendiri. 

Sebenernya bukan apa-apa, cuman tadi aku merasa terganggu dengan dengungan obrolan pengawas yang hampir non-stop. Parahnya pengawas-pengawas itu ngobrolnya di sebelah tempat aku duduk. Dude, maksudku, I'm stress enough facing this biggest test ever and now you make noises which break my damn concentration? This test is my future, bro. 

Chill!

I have so many thing running through my mind. So much I can't even think of anything else. So much it makes me suffocate. So much it makes me break down.. then I cry.

Then I hate myself for crying, for being so weak, for being so not-grow-up, for being ungrateful, for being crying.

Then upon my crying I think about my past. About the things I have done. Have I achieve something or nothing at all?

Then all of the memories from my past just dancing along in my mind. All of it.

Now I have much more things to think and to feel.

It's more suffocating now.

Then somehow I stop thinking. Just stop.

I ask to myself "Why are you like this?"

My dominant answer "You're just overthinking. It give you more pressure than you already have. Chill. Having so much pressure is not good for your soul, you know."

I see my submissive answer "Yeah that's right. Gotta chill from now on!"

Undangan Berhadiah!

Jreng jreng jreng. Hari bersejarah nih. Pengumuman SNMPTN. Dari judulnya aja udah kebaca. Pengumuman buat masuk PTN favorit dengan jurusan impian melalui jalur rapor. Nggak perlu susah-susah tes macam SBMPTN atau UM, cukup input nilai rapor yang udah dikejar susah payah selama 3 tahun dan tunggu undangan berhadiahnya! 

Kalo beruntung, rezeki kalian tuh, jangan disia-siain ya. Kuliah yang bener biar bikin bangga diri kalian sendiri dan keluarga, kalo lulus ya kalo bisa cumlaude atau malah magna cumlaude. Yang belum lolos? Banyak temen seperjuangan kok, aku contohnya. Aku bakal nemenin kalian para pejuang SBMPTN buat berjuang ngalahin soal-soal bejat SBMPTN itu..dan semoga cukup sekali ini aja kita tes nya, langsung masuk PTN dengan jurusan impian kita, amiin. Abis itu, jangan kalah sama mereka yang diterima lewat SNMPTN. Kita juga harus lulus cumlaude atau magna cumlaude! Be the boss! Amen!

p.s.: sorry ini random to the max, cumin curhat mwhahahah :v

She Wants To Pee

Tadi gue ke Gramedia, sebuah toko buku di kota gue, gue naik motor. Pas mau parkir, gue dapet parkiran deket WC yang kebetulan ada di basement. Abis parkir gue lewat itu WC dan seketika keinget kejadian hampir satu setengah tahun lalu.

Waktu itu gue ngehost, dan ceritanya kita lagi hangout ber-banyak, 3 orang bule dan 2 orang pribumi. Waktu itu kita mau nyalon tapi salonnya antre 3 jam, akhirnya kita memutuskan buat pergi ke Gramedia buat numpang baca buku gitu. Setelah jalan kaki selama 5-10 menit dari salon, kita nyampe. Pas mau masuk ke tokonya, salah satu bule (bukan sister gue maupun salah seorang pribumi lainnya yang gue samarkan namanya) bilang kalo dia pengen pipis. Akhirnya kita anter dia ke WC yang ada di basement tempat parkir itu, dan apparently itu adalah WC satu-satunya. Setelah masuk WC dia keluar lagi dan bilang kalo dia gamau pipis disitu karena jijik. Oke fine.

Akhirnya kita ke KFC Sudirman buat numpang pipis (dan akhirnya beli makanan disana). Setelah semuanya pipis dan makan, kita balik ke Gramedia dengan jalan kaki (lagi). Setelah sampai di Gramedia, bule yang sama bilang dia sakit perut dan pengen pipis-atau poop?- (lagi) dan nggak mau pake WC Gramedia (lagi). AKhirnya kita kembali jalan kaki ke KFC Sudirman buat nganterin dia pipis. Abis itu kita manusia pribumi udah kagol mau ke Gramedia, akhirnya minta balik ke salon. Dan kita pun pulang ke salon, nggak jalan kaki, kali ini kita naik becak.

Fyuh, berjalan bolak-balik dari Gramed ke KFC buat nganterin orang pipis emang capek yah. But it was a memory I could never forget, silly yet funny.

Some Infinities Are Bigger Than Other Infinities

"There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's 0.1 and 0.12 and 0.112 and infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more number than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful." - Hazel Grace Lancaster, The Fault In Our Stars.

p.s: I cried so hard in this part. 

The Fault In Our Stars

Here is the thing, I'm a good person, but I'm a shitty writer (well I'm trying to quote Augustus Waters from the book 'The Fault In Our Stars'), not really. I'm probably not a good person and I am not a good writer either, yet again I'm trying to write in my blog. And I pity you who read my putrid posts, I'm sorry but I told you I'm not a good writer, didn't I?

Well I'm not here to write a post on how suck I am at writing things, I'm here to, I don't know, express my feeling? So yeah, after months of no new posts - perks of having huge tests - , I come back with a post that literally just about my bubling about a book I finished less than an hour ago called The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. (I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU TO READ THAT)

It's all begin yesterday when I had nothing to do except scrolling down though my timeline on Twitter, feeling bored to death, then I found a post; a quote specifically. It was from this book called The Fault in Our Stars. Then I read that and at first I didn't get it so I left it. Then I scrolled down again and found someone tweeted about the film version of it, and saying that the film will be the death of hers. Now I'm curious. So I looked for the e-book and started reading it.

It's a Bad Day but I'm still Believe-ing!

Happy new year, happy holiday, happy berbahagia! Have a great year ahead you!

Anyway, I actually didn’t start 2014 right since I fall asleep at the count down whoops, but today I’m living my second day of 2014! I watched Justin Bieber’s Believe today wohoooo~

I actually expected today to be perfect, aku bakal ke sekolah jam 10an buat debat terus jam 11.30an antre tiket Believe, terus main sama Pitak (iya, aku nonton sama PItak lagi :3) terus jam 14.30 nonton Believe..tapi namanya juga hidupnya Amma yang nggak pernah sesuai rencana, semuanya bubrah!

Pertama, ternyata Pitak bakal dateng jam 13.30, which means aku harus nunggu sejam lebih, “yaudah aku nunggu di XXI Café aja sambil baca novel kek atau ntar ngajak Mas Adit atau siapa lah” pikirku.

Kedua, pas pagi hari, niatnya mumpung liburan gini Amma mau ‘go kurus’ dengan lari pagi..tapi malah bangun jam 8-__- akhirnya yaudah gagal lari, ngerjain house work, dan cuss ke sekolah. Abis itu fotokopi rapor buat ambil buku di GO. Terus debat kan ya sampe jam 11.30an, nggak lupa ngajak mas Adit nongki di XXI Café abis debatnya kelar,  terus akhirnya cuss ke XXI buat ngantre tiket Believe since Pitak nggak bisa dateng jam 12 sharp.. Begitu masuk..CUY antrenya CUY sepanjang kereta mini *sigh* Yaudah deh demi nonton ini film aku rela antre setengah jam, nah pas mau liat jadwalnya aku mau ambil kacamata biar lebih jelas (iye aku minus 1,75 dan nggak penrah apke kacamata), aku obrak-abrik tas nggak ketemu..panik. Aku obrak-abrik lagi..tetep nggak ketemu damn ketinggalan! HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO WATCH MOVIE WITHOUT SPECTACLES?!  Aku panik aku stress aku frustasi aku desperate (okay ini lebay). Terus keinget kalo tadi kayaknya tasku diobrak-abrik Lili di sekolah jadi mungkin jauh di sekolah gitu. Yaudah akhirnya setelah antre setengah jam aku dapetin iniii :3 terus balik ke sekolah.

Believe tickets

Begitu sampe di sekolah, aku buru-buru langsung ke Joglo (tempat latihannya) terus Tanya..dan ternyata nggak ada! I’m so dead. 

Akhirnya aku telfon ibu dna ternyata kacamata ada di meja makan dyeeeem! Aku :) harus :) balik :) buat :) ambil :) kacamata :) ke rumah :) yang jauhnya :) 12 kilometer :) oh how perfect.