Alis Volat Propriis

Alis volat propriis. A beautiful syllable came from Greek, meaning she flies with her own wings. A strong word, describe a strong, beautiful, smart, independent woman...or girl. 

The more I live every single day, the more I understand things..or so I thought. 

I know now that you don't have to do things same with other people, you can be different. You can do whatever you want with the way you want, or be whoever you want, everything depends on you. 

Because that person who you follow won't be as inspiring for you forever. That person won't be the same forever, he will just gradually change and sometimes, that changes make the differences you have with him more distinct. That shows you how you're actually different with anyone. That you have your own identity as human, you have your own perspective on seeing the world and facing problems, and so you have your own way to overcome those problems. That ways might not be the same with anyone else you know, simply because you are different with them. Because you are you.

You don't have to do thing with someone, you can do with without anyone, alone.

Worth?

Sometimes, I wonder if I’m really worthy.

Worthy for everything, worthy for anyone.

Am I worthy for someone fighting for me, or waiting for me, or simply care for me?

Because I don’t think I am.

I am just a pile of junk covered by flesh and skin, no more than that.

I don't have those shining-holy spirit in me, all I have is my swearing words, my insecurities and my low self-esteem.

I never know if people care for me, really care for me.

Sometimes, I think they never care about me but then I look back and see how much they put effort in me.

Maybe it's just me who’s too selfish for not seeing that.

Maybe that’s me who’s too self-centered for being a bitch that I want all attention I can get

Maybe it’s my fault that I have low self esteem, that I don’t have any value in me.

Or is it people that makes me feel this way?

People who constantly pushing, pressing, and ignoring me?

Or is it me who constantly pushing people away?

My fault or their fault?
Maybe I'm just depressed by default.

Happy New Year 2015

IT'S 2015 BIAAATCH!!

whoops sorry for the language, I guess I'm just getting to excited having a new year ahead me.

2014. Long-torturing-great-year. I had my senior year that year, I had my national exam, I had my uni acceptance exam, I had breakdown, I had insecurities haunting me, but I get through that. I fought, I rose up, I finally get into uni. I met new friend, had new-crazy-silly-amazing experience, had my twin-sister-that-stuck-in-Australian-girl-body back, I had amazing time. Fyuh, long list of what I've been through the whole year. But from that I learn of life. I learn of acceptance. I learn that I can't always get what I want, that beyond the great failure I was  facing there's still even the greatest meaning out of all of that. I learn something. And for that I'm grateful. I'm grateful for what I had and what I did. I'm ready to start another life journey in 2015. HAPPY NEW YEAR! MAY GOD BLESS US AND BE WITH US THROUGH THE YEAR!!